I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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