It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
