wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
