please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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