There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
