why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
