When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
