i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
