ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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