This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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