dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
