high people should be assigned attendants
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
