just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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