I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
