I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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