when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
