I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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