Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
