Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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