there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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