Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
