I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
