maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize