3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
