I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize