dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
