Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
