My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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