i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
