I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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