dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
