Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
