just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
