I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The best revenge is premature balding
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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