Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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