Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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