i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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