ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
