I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
