You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
