If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
