I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
