Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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