so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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