then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
