they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
