elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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