So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
