guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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