? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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