I smell stomach acid.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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