Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
