so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
