i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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