i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
