Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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