Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize