He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
