I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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