Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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