So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
