I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
