you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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