My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
