I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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