So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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