my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
