At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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