I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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