I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
