It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
