...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Two words: nipple clamps
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