Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize